we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
