I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
