No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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