I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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