Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm both gender and math confused
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
