OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
