i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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