A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
