I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
