OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
