Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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