Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
only you would photoshop your dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
