I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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