Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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