youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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