Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
