Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
