The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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