Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
