Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
