Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
