allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
