Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His hands were made for my vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
