You're my little dorito
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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