I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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