I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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