In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
