My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
