I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
