Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
