tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
