I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
