so that wasnt chicken after all
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
