Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
