Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
