Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
