Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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