a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
