My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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