Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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