Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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