I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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