Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
