I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
