Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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