Can i not drive my cunt home
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
