you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
