Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
