all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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