The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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