those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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