my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
