i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and she was petting her beer can
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
