Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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