For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
