all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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