That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
