Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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