please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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