Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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