Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
