omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
