Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
