....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she told me i tasted like america
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
