Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
