Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky