He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying