You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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