Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning