This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.