So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's blow job season.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
