She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.