If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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