i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
