It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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