Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
